A bad day......

Things are really hard today for me. I find myself questioning my faith today. It's been so long since I have done that and I don't really know how to feel about it. I'm sitting here just in tears at my computer. I can't find my dh (he didn't show up for work today), I have no vehicle to go and look for him (he has it) and we have little money to make it through the next month. I sat up with my dh last night until 3 am listing to him rant, rave , question, and sob. His daughter, My step-daughter, was placed in a mental facility on Sunday. She was talking about killing herself. He was talking about the same thing last night. He and I both don't understand why life is going the way it is going. He has been working his ass off at his new job for the last almost 5 months with nothing really to show for it. He receives a small salary, but not enough to support a family of 6 (we have 3 children of our own). He should be receiving commissions by now, but despite all his hard work we have not seen one yet. We have rent due on the 1st and if we don't have that money I'm not sure what we are going to do. I see him reverting to a life that I thought we had left behind. It's the only way he knows how to deal with pain, and unfortunately for me.....that leaves me here with 3 small children trying to figure out a way to get groceries and pick up my medication. I have no way to reach him and my constant fear is that he has been arrested. I don't think anyone can relate to this despair I am feeling right now. It's taken every ounce of strength I have have to even get out of bed. I haven't even gotten dressed today. I'm just angry.....angry at myself for still being here, angry at my husband for starting this awful road that we are on so many years ago, and angry at God. I just wish we could catch a break. For the last 7 months we have been trying to everything right. We have prayed and believed, and I just don't understand why this is where we have ended up. I know so many people who are not religious or whatever and things seem to go right for them. They have everything they need and then some.....they are able to follow their dreams and provide everything and more for their kids. All I want is just a normal life!!!!!!! Please tell me where I get that!