Tilted......

I came across this last night on a blog called "Bring the Rain". Be prepared to be moved to tears. Her name is Angie Smith and her story is amazing. Last night I sent her this e-mail (the blog is quoted at the bottom:

Hi Angie,

I just needed to take a moment tonight to thank you. I came across your blog for the fist time tonight and began to read sweet Audrey’s story. I can’t imagine the pain that you must have experienced. My situation is very different (http://notsoaveragesuburbanlife.blogspot.com/) and I thank God almost on a minute by minute basis for three happy, healthy children. But one of you blog entries from over a year ago brought me hope tonight. I have my head ever so slightly titled this evening, even with the tears streaming down my face. I started to feel myself loosing faith today…through my anger Satan attacked. But I am bringing it to HIM. And I just wanted to say thank you….

“And He(God) only has one request.

Bring it right to me, Angie.

Every time the anger roars in your heart. Bring it to Me.

Every time you feel like nobody hears you. Bring it to Me.

When you think it isn't fair. When you think it isn't true. When you can't think at all.

Bring it to My feet, and I will make an altar from your suffering.

Yesterday, after I felt like I couldn't take any more of the storm, Abby came into the kitchen with a drawing she had made for Audrey (they do this several times a day...I think it's just part of how they are processing). I looked at it for a few moments and then told her how amazing I thought it was. She had drawn Audrey under a rainbow, standing by a sign that said "Come see the clowns!" I'm not sure what the significance of that is, except that Abby did confirm that there are "only clowns in heaven sometimes." That actually made me feel better, because I think clowns are kind of creepy.

Abby smiled at me expectantly. I wasn't sure what she was looking for.

"I want to give it to her, mommy. I want to put it in her basket."

They call her "casket" a "basket," and we don't correct them, because frankly, I like the idea of a basket better anyway.

"OK." Now what do I say? How am I going to explain this to a 5 year old?

She looked at me, waiting.

"So..should we put it in the mailbox, mommy? Will the man come and get it?"

She wanted to understand the details of our new situation, and the truth at that moment was that I did too.

"Well, Abby, the great thing about heaven is that Audrey can see all of the things that we are doing down here. AND, she can see what you made for her! She can just look right into our house and see it." I waited to see how this felt to her.

Without a word, she spoke life back into my tired bones.

She took the edges of the drawing delicately and lifted it high above her head, closer to her baby sister. She had her head tipped back, looking upward, and after a few seconds, she closed her eyes and a smile made it's way across her face.

"She liked it, didn't she?" I asked her quietly.

She nodded, still glowing, and ran off to play.

I don't know where you are tonight, or what hurts you are holding up to God, but I will promise you this. If you can just trust Him enough to bring it to Him, He will rejoice in your masterpiece. And if you need to scream a little, know that you have a God who can take that too, as long as your face is tilted (even slightly) toward Him.

Please allow my sweet friend Sara and her son Elliot to make their way into your prayers tonight...ever-present Counselor, we have to trust You more that we can explain You sometimes.

You are good, Lord.

You are good.”