On the Mend.....

Thanks so much for the prayers! I finally broke down after buying out CVS's ant-itch isle(of which I made sure I could return the crap that did not work, which was all of it!!), and went to the ER. Tuns out it is hives and there is something that I have been ingesting that is causing the hives. It has been so miserable. And I have NO willpower when it comes to not itching. I have several chicken pox scars from when I was a kid. My mom resorted to duct taping mittens on my hands if I remember correctly. (It's hard to pick up a wiggley 17 month old with mittens or oven mits on....yes I tried :-P) So I tried the ER run on my own.....no go with all three kids. So I drove out to the rehab center in Grapevine where K is and had him go with me to the ER in Grapevine. He is in an open facility, which means with his counselors permission he can leave for a short period of time without being discharged out of the program. He is 30 days sober, which for him is a big deal.

S/N: Please pray for him. He "cups out" or leaves on Tuesday and he has voiced that he is scared. He is looking at several sober living facilities to help him transition back into the real world and will be looking for a job. He has seen 3 people that he fought with, cried with, laughed with, and worked with in recovery leave the Rehab center, only to use or drink within 24 hours of leaving. This really scares him and messes with his mind. So please Pray......Fear is the opposite of Faith.

He watched the kids while I went back and got poked in the booty with a cortisone shot and sent home with 3 prescriptions. I am already starting to feel better.



And while we are on the subject of being on the mend, I will be attending my first official Al-Anon meeting this week. Someone(one of my friend's moms) told me that this was so very important, but I don't think I realized how important it is to help mend my family until this week, whether that be with or without K. They say the hardest time for the family of an addict is when the addict gets clean. Which to me makes sense. I have been living in such chaos, it has become my existence.

Al-Anon Symbol

If you are living with an addict or alcoholic, if you love an addict or alcoholic, if you were a child of a addict or alcoholic, I urge you to check out a meeting. You will be floored by how much these people know about you and the life you have lived and are living. I didn't cause the addiction that I have grown up around and have continued to live with, and I certainly can't control it, and maybe most heartbreaking of all, I know I can't cure it. But regardless it has shaped the person that I am and controls many of the decisions that I makeon a daily basis. In turn I have become addicted to the addict. Which those who know me well are rolling their eyes right now. :-) But I need to work the same steps in order to rid myself of that addiction, because as long as K is working his steps and making the next right decision the addict will not be there for me to be addicted to anymore. So then what?? I behave in a way, which in my case usually results in unprovoked anger towards others, which leaves K either feeling no hope for our relationship since he can't seem to do anything right, or triggers his urge to use since old emotions come flaring back up again which puts us back in the same old ugly cycle.

All of this knowledge comes from 2 family Al-Anon meetings at the Rehab center and 1 family session with a counselor. My goodness, what would happen if I started attending meetings?

Lord, Today I admit that I am powerless over this disease, and that because of that my life has become unmanageable. Lord I believe that you and only you can restore my life back to sanity and that on my own I can not do it. I turn my will over to you God to help lead me an I embark on this new path in my life. I am scared. I have lived my life like this since I came into this world, and I need your hand to lead me. I know you will not leave me. You are my one constant in my chaotic life. It is time to loosen the grip and let You lead. I am powerless, broken, and uncertain. With you God I know that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. And I know you have led K and I here for a reason. As we are working on pulling ourselves off our faces and into the fetal position, then onto all fours, and then by your grace on our knees, and finally while holding Your Hands, back on our feet, I ask you Lord for your presence to be with us. Help guide our decisions, words, and actions. And Lord let our Journey help others. Let us be an encouragement to others and in our every move Let YOUR Glory be known. We give you praise and thanks for where You brought us and where we continue be lead by Your loving Hand.